I read a book over the weekend and something in it struck me….
The voice in our head can be a liar, and usually is. And all of us have this lying voice in our head. So, even though we present something as ‘truth’, it can still be a lie even though the voice in our head is adamant that it’s ‘truth’.
Let’s’ see if I can explain this in a way that will make sense to me later.
I’ll start with some quotes from the book.
“The voice in your head isn’t even real, but it’s ruling your life, and it’s a tyrant.”
“Don’t believe yourself mainly when you are using the voice against yourself. The voice can make you afraid to be alive, to express who you really are. It can stop you from doing what you really want to do with your life.”
“Don’t believe others. If you lie to yourself it stands to reason they are lieing to themselves and if they aren’t aware, they believe themselves. “
“Don’t believe anyone else. But this doesn’t mean closing your mind or your heart. Listen to other people tell their story. You know that it’s just a story, and that it’s only true for them.”
Basically what he is talking about is that we are not born with a voice in our head. The voice is developed as we learn language and start listening to what others have to say and believe it as truth. We internalized it and the voice of lies is created. If we are unaware, then the lies rule us. It’s by doing the work to become aware that helps us shut down the voice.
The voice, more often than not, is lies. Yet, if we aren’t aware, we believe the voice to be truth. When it tells us we are too this or too that, or not enough this, or not enough that, we believe it. It’s a lie. Yet we believe it. It tells us we aren’t worthy. It’s a lie.
And if our voice is telling us lies, and everyone has this voice, then it stands to reason that their voice is telling them lies that they believe are truth as well. Once we understand this, we lose the desire to defend our beliefs. We have our story and they have their story.
For example, I spoke with someone over the weekend. She is a practitioner of witchcraft, an ordeal facilitator and works with people that I highly respect in the woo world. I sat in her class and listened to how she does ordeal ritual. It didn’t match how I do it or believe it should be done. Doesn’t match at all and actually felt judgmental of how I do it. Even though I’ve never told her any details of my rituals. Well, instead of raising my hand and defending how I do things, I just listened to her. I believe what I believe. She believes what she believes. Either could be a lie, but for each of us, it’s our truth and works for us.
I can listen to her and maybe find something I can use. It doesn’t mean I have to listen to the liar in my head that started to speak up that maybe she is more right because of who she works with. My truth is my truth and is valid. Her truth is her truth and I don’t need to change her mind about anything.
When the voice tells me that I’m not worthy or that I’m filled with darkness and that’s why I don’t let people get close to me or that of course my partner is dating someone else, why would he want to be with me and it lists the reasons……remember that it’s a liar. Become aware of yourself so that you can realize how much of a liar it is.
Learn to meditate to slow the mind down so that you can catch the stories that the liar is telling us. A peaceful mind is a wonderful thing.
Does that make sense?
Another thing I learned from this book…..”We can perceive truth with our feelings, but as soon as we try to describe it with words, we distort it, and it’s no longer the truth. It’s our story! It’s a projection based on reality that is only true for us, but still we try to put our experience into words, and this is something wonderful, really. It’s the greatest art form of every human.”
The book = The Voice of Knowledge by Don Miguel Ruiz
So, after writing yesterday’s blog and sleeping on it and then while finishing listening to a book this morning ‘American Gods’ and starting to listen to a Wiccan book….I figured out why it is that I’m wanting to move forward on my path of sacred sexuality – it’s because it’s through sacred sexuality is how I connect with the Divine.
The Divine is within as well as without. It’s easier to connect with the Divine that is outside of us. We can see it in the cycle of birth and death. We can see it in miracles. We can see it in things of beauty that we can’t explain, in the birth of a child, in the gaze of creatures, in the growth of plants. But, we also have Divine within us and the easiest way for me to tap into that is through sexual energy.
Sexual energy is one of the most powerful energies to work with. I want to further my spirtual path and growth through using sexual energy. The depth of connection that is involved; the vulnerability; the compassion; the empowerment….all of that is part of my spiritual path. I need to embrace it, even if that means I travel the path alone.
There is a meetup that I hold at The Space once a month; the Tantra Meetup. At this meetup I teach a lot of basics with Sacred Sexuality, Tantra and other sexuality modalities. Some of these classes are about breathing, chakras, mindfulness, and other basic topics. Stuff I learned many years ago.
But, like I said, basics. I’ve been wanting to bump up my training for years now, but have no one to do it with. Sacred Sexuality is easier learned with a partner. For me, that would be a masculine partner. Yin and Yang.
I’e been looking for years. Though, tonight it struck me that if I keep surrounding myself with new people, all I’m meeting are new people. I’d have to ‘train’ someone for awhile to catch up with me. But, that’s not what I want to do. I’d rather find someone that has different training and experiences than me…something that we could blend.
It’s been hard to find….impossible. Like I’ve said, I’ve been out there looking for years. 10 years? If not a little longer.
But, what is it that I’m really looking for in this? I guess just to further my training and experience. I’d like to bump it up. But, I’m just not sure how.
And is it worth my time? The Universe hasn’t been helpful. Maybe it’s not the path I’m supposed to be on.
Not sure. Not going to worry about it for awhile. For now, my decision is whether to keep spending time running 101 groups.
So….I’m back on the Eastern Shore for a visit, and it always strikes me how much slower things are here. We certainly do a lot in the couple of days i’m here, but we actually get to sit around and just chill a lot as well. My life back in Ohio just isn’t like this. Here we sit on the porch in rockers and talk. When I’m back home in Columbus, if someone wants to talk to me, they usually have to walk around The Space with me as I’m prepping for some event or workshop or whatever is going on.
If I’m home with down time like this, I’m out on the motorcycle or binge watching netflix with my computer in my lap (like now), getting work done. I don’t sit still like this without trying to accomplish something.
I’m a little torn. I am missing the motorcycle. I am missing Dan. But, when he goes on a vacation with Karen, I tend to see if I can make it back to the Shore for a short visit. I miss the water. I miss spending time with family and seeing everyone growing up. It’s surprising sometimes realizing that I’ve lived as long in Ohio as I was in Maryland. Ohio definitely feels like home now though.
Maybe one day my life will slow down, but I seriously doubt it. As much as I like a couple days of chilling here, I like being busy there as well.
Sunday, I’ll be flying back. The boyfriend will be picking me up from the airport and we’ll spend some time together. Then, it’s back to work on Monday and Tuesday. Monday night I have a Tantra class to teach. Tuesday night I have a munch to go to. Or I might set up a date with someone that reached out to me through okcupid. Wednesday I pack for mine and Dan’s trip to Ithaca, NY to teach over the weekend. Thursday we drive there. Friday, Saturday and Sunday we teach. Sunday night we drive back. Monday is back to work for my last week there. Busy, but fullfilling.