Had a rough time today.
My thinking is…..as a Qadishtu Priestess that is leading Qadishtu training and rituals and circles….i’m by myself. i put a call out for other Qadishtu’s (those that have taken POTQ training) to join my secret facebook group so that we could all talk as Qadishti and share stories and what we are doing with our training. 1 person spoke up and 1 person that is interested in the training spoke up. That’s great. But, there were so many more that didn’t. That makes me feel very alone.
So, i started thinking….if I concentrated more on the Leather Woman side….there are many out there and many that want me to join their group. i could be part of a group instead of a leader.
But, i’m not much of a joiner or a follower, except with my Master.
Leading and creating stuff and teaching ….that’s what i do. I just feel like i’m all alone in this endevour.
I can do both, that’s true. I just have to figure out how to balance it.
“Tantra says sex can change your life. Awareness during sex opens the heart. It softens the hearts of men and dissolves their anger. It strengthens the heart of women and exorcises their fear.
It feeds you what you need.
The essence of tantra is not the fancy ritual technicalities and mystical mumbo-jumbo. The essence of tantra is a profound simplicity; Making love makes more love, brings more love into the world, into your world.
Love, the original wholeness, is always the real healer.
Sexual healing is, then, not just healing the sexual part of yourself, but uniting your isolated selves, the lost, lonely, hurt, confused parts, through the magical mystery power of sexual love. Tantra asserts that you can heal your life with loving sex when that is your conscious intention.”
—Red Hot Tantra by David Ramsdale
You know, I totally believe this, “you can heal your life with loving sex when that is your conscious intention.” Though, i also believe it doesn’t have to be a conscious intention. I believe that loving sex is healing regardless if there is intent to heal or not. Loving sex creates trust, and trust is the healer.
Each time i experience loving sex, sex with someone that finds me desirable and who wants to have sex with me, sex with someone that is not just thinking about their own pleasure but sees me as a worthy of receiving pleasure, that’s built trust with them and trust in myself. That’s been fantastic healing moments for me.
That’s probably why i can’t really do swing clubs. It’s not ‘sex’ i desire, but connected, loving sex.
And the more time between episodes of loving sex, the more i start to doubt myself and my relationships. Though, it’s not as bad as it used to be. I’ve healed some. But, the fact that i still need more healing, sneaks up on me every now and then.
I am what they call a ‘Broken Healer’. It doesn’t mean i’m currently broken. But, it does mean that one reason i can help others is because i’ve been in their shoes.
But, i don’t feel so broken when loving sex is a part of my life.
When loving sex is a part of my life, I feel more love towards others
i’m really looking foward to teaching those interested in becoming Qadishti or at least learning some skills that i feel Qadishti need to learn. These include everything from learning about consent, energy work, chakras, sacred touch, sensuality, working with others, seeing the world through Qadishti eyes, sacred sexuality, and other topics like this.
This is my heart song at the moment. Hopefully, it will last. i’m looking at the calendar to see what kind of time i have. That’s the hard part…time.
We’ll see if i can start making this a priority.
i had someone take my pic with my new robes….Not sure i’m happy with it. i may have to take another 🙂
Well, there really isn’t much out there in the way of training to be a Qadishti. Many of us kind of create our own thing.
Inara, from Temple of the Red Lotus, used to have some online training. But, she’s traveling now, so i don’t think it’s available anymore. Checking…..googled…..nope, can’t find it.
So, all that is available, that i’m aware of is the ‘Path of the Qadishti’ program that my husband and i created years ago. We started getting overwhelmed with everything else we were doing, So, we handed it off to a student and her partner and they’ve been running it for years. i think they skipped it this year though.
And i run POTQ2 for the graduates of POTQ1.
So, there really isn’t any training for ME to take. I try to take a Tantra course every now and then. I lead a Tantra meetup and every once in awhile there is someone that shows up that can teach me something. i took an online Tantra course recently. And other than that, i read and experience.
So, the next thing i’m doing for my self training…..well there are 2 things and i think i mentioned the first one already. The first one is to write my expectations that i have of myself as a Qadishti Priestess. The 2nd is to come up with a list of books to read.
Here’s what I have so far:
Ethical Slut (re-read)
Radical Ecstasy (re-read)
Finding God through Sex (Re-read)
Casting a Queer Circle
The Body Keeps Score
So, part of this reading list is about Sacred Sexuality, some about Sex Positivity, others about Ritual, others about Somatic healing…..and so on. i’m happy with this list so far. Now i just have to make time to read them. Write now, i’m reading Red Tantra, 1 chapter a day.
i tried to find out from our podcast listeners what they read. No responses.