More than a few years ago, i had this vision (i don’t even remember the details) that i should be working with a Goddess with Wings. i tried Isis and a few others and they just didn’t feel right. i also knew that it was supposed to be a Goddess for Sacred Sexuality. For weeks i looked at google images and finally found one that worked for me. It was Freya.
i tried Freya on. i liked it. i did an ecstatic dance and invoked Frey to ask her why she came to me if i was looking for a Goddess of Sacred Sexuality. She laughed and said, how do you think i got my amber necklace from the dwarves? i slept with them. i am absolutely a Goddess of Sex. Many people focus on the Goddess of War, Valkirie aspect, but there is so much more.
So, i worked with Freya for a very long time. i still work with her some days, but it’s very rare now.
Today, i was doing some research on Qadishtu/Qadishti/Sacred Secuality for a new facebook group i started….and came across this ….
And her animals are lions.
i’ve also worked with Sekhmet because of her lion aspects.
So…what if i was supposed to have worked with Ishtar? i know a few that do work with her and her other name, Inanna. Some have even named themselves after her.
Before, i tried to make myself work with her (before i even knew she had wings). It didn’t work. I’m not sure i even recognized she had wings. Freya did and Freya spoke to me.
Now, i’m seeing the wings of Ishtar/Inanna and it feels like i’m supposed to work with her.
We’ll see how it goes.
This poem to her that I found (in another language and then translated) really spoke to me when i found it today…
Prayer by Ishara Labyris, Ps. Dea
Who pierces the sky with its soft light
Flame of Life
Mixing with the rain
To create the Rainbow Necklace
And to walk between the worlds
Ishtar of the Sea
To the thousand river daughters
Noisy or secret
O Mystery of the deep waters
of the original Matrix
Rich roots, green tops
Tree of Life, shadows and lights
Who descends under Earth
Under the roots, under the stones
Crossing the Seven Gates of Hell
Dying and reborn
Lover of all, wife of no
Freedom of love for everyone
Beauty that heals hearts
Prostitute to the sacred gift
In this place be venerated
In this place be thanked
I beg you, Ishtar
With all the beating of my heart
Here is a great description of Qadishtu…..on this website they are also trying to sell a pendant and this is the description they use….but it’s still a great one. I cut out the part of them describing the pendant. (though i may end up buying a pendant like this. It’s beautiful) 🙂
A long time ago before we worshipped the big ‘G’ God in his masculine composition most worshipped the Earth Mother. The Great Earth Mother Goddess was holy and sacred, in alignment with the cycles and seasons of the Earth. ‘She Was The Mother Of All Life’.
Women’s bodies were fashioned from her to perform acts of creation. This design is mirrored in all of nature from the animals to the crops, rivers, land and seasons. Women’s bodies were blessed and hallowed; the female form was honored and valued. The human female was the divine image of the feminine aspect of God; She was Creator, nurturer and giver of life, she was Holy and held in reverence.
Qadishtu was a consecrated class of Temple Priestesses/ aka Temple prostitutes/ who were highly trained, and worshipped the fertility Goddess Astarte. The Temple prostitute was an accomplished and skilled Priestess who excelled in the arts of sexuality, pleasure, and honoring the Mother Goddess in all her forms. Sex was viewed as a natural and heavenly act, which brought forth new life, joy and mirrored the fertility of the Earth. Men sought out the Sacred Priestesses of the temple because it was understood that this sexual act was an act of worshipping the Goddess. The priestess became the vessel into which the Great Goddess Astarte entered and the resulting union produced amazing states of ecstasy allowing men of earth to move their awareness upwards to the heavenly host via the Temple Priestesses teachings. For this honor to the Goddess, men paid the temple very well.
Archaeologists who discovered statues like the Neolithic Venus of Willendorf, suggest that the Great Mother Goddess was worshipped as far back as 40,000 BCE. In ancient times these holy women were held in the highest esteem. The temple priestess became the representation of the Goddess in physical form.
The more i think about it, the more it seems that my Qadishtu path is going to be about teaching. i’m ok with that…partly. i love teaching. i love sharing experience. i love reading on specific topics to learn more.
But, at some point, i’d like to experience more. i need to find some festivals that include classes on Sacred Sexuality. Not Tantra. But, deep, dark, intense Sacred Sexuality. i used to go to events like that, but they dont’ seem to exist anymore. Or i just haven’t been making it a priority to find them. But, festivals like that is how i learned so much. i learn from experience, hands on experience much easier than books. And to find people that have experience to share, that would be amazing.
So, though i’m creating a reading list for my path, and will be creating a code of conduct and expectations for myself, and will be creating ritual and workshops and POTQ2 and facebook groups……my biggest chance at growth and experience on this path will be going to festivals.
Time to start looking for what’s available come spring.
Had a rough time today.
My thinking is…..as a Qadishtu Priestess that is leading Qadishtu training and rituals and circles….i’m by myself. i put a call out for other Qadishtu’s (those that have taken POTQ training) to join my secret facebook group so that we could all talk as Qadishti and share stories and what we are doing with our training. 1 person spoke up and 1 person that is interested in the training spoke up. That’s great. But, there were so many more that didn’t. That makes me feel very alone.
So, i started thinking….if I concentrated more on the Leather Woman side….there are many out there and many that want me to join their group. i could be part of a group instead of a leader.
But, i’m not much of a joiner or a follower, except with my Master.
Leading and creating stuff and teaching ….that’s what i do. I just feel like i’m all alone in this endevour.
I can do both, that’s true. I just have to figure out how to balance it.
“Tantra says sex can change your life. Awareness during sex opens the heart. It softens the hearts of men and dissolves their anger. It strengthens the heart of women and exorcises their fear.
It feeds you what you need.
The essence of tantra is not the fancy ritual technicalities and mystical mumbo-jumbo. The essence of tantra is a profound simplicity; Making love makes more love, brings more love into the world, into your world.
Love, the original wholeness, is always the real healer.
Sexual healing is, then, not just healing the sexual part of yourself, but uniting your isolated selves, the lost, lonely, hurt, confused parts, through the magical mystery power of sexual love. Tantra asserts that you can heal your life with loving sex when that is your conscious intention.”
—Red Hot Tantra by David Ramsdale
You know, I totally believe this, “you can heal your life with loving sex when that is your conscious intention.” Though, i also believe it doesn’t have to be a conscious intention. I believe that loving sex is healing regardless if there is intent to heal or not. Loving sex creates trust, and trust is the healer.
Each time i experience loving sex, sex with someone that finds me desirable and who wants to have sex with me, sex with someone that is not just thinking about their own pleasure but sees me as a worthy of receiving pleasure, that’s built trust with them and trust in myself. That’s been fantastic healing moments for me.
That’s probably why i can’t really do swing clubs. It’s not ‘sex’ i desire, but connected, loving sex.
And the more time between episodes of loving sex, the more i start to doubt myself and my relationships. Though, it’s not as bad as it used to be. I’ve healed some. But, the fact that i still need more healing, sneaks up on me every now and then.
I am what they call a ‘Broken Healer’. It doesn’t mean i’m currently broken. But, it does mean that one reason i can help others is because i’ve been in their shoes.
But, i don’t feel so broken when loving sex is a part of my life.
When loving sex is a part of my life, I feel more love towards others