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Qadishtu thoughts….

Still doing a lot of thinking about my Qadishtu path.

Listening to a book right now with some ideas that i’d really like to put in practice. She is talking about somatic counseling. i’ve been lucky enough to have had a somatic counselor and have wanted to follow in his footsteps, but when he offered his class locally it was during the day while i was working. So, i didn’t get to take it 🙁

But, the ideas she talks about are things that i’ve done before. So, i’m thinking of putting another workshop together.

AND i just taught a class last week on being a survivor in a power exchange relationship. i’ve taught this class before, but with the political climate that seems to be so against women, it’s time to bring it back and teach it in more places. i’ve already had someone reach out from NYC that wants me to bring it there. Dan teaches this one with me and him sharing how he has dealt with a traumatized survivor that he helped turn into a thriver is very powerful.

More….there is more for me to study and more workshops and rituals for me to put together.

And it’s time for me to schedule the next POTQ2 (Path of the Qadishti) course for those that have graduated from POTQ1.

It’s time.

Qadishti Priestess…next steps

So, what does being a Qadishti Priestess mean to me? and what am i going to do next on my path? …..I ask myself.

Good question, dawn. What is next?

My idea is to keep studying Sacred Sexuality in its many forms. Whether books, classes or online training that doesn’t fall into the trap of costing insane amounts of money because it’s ‘Tantra’. Lots of unethical places out there using the word ‘Tantra’ to bilk people out of money. (my soapbox rant)

I also plan to bring ‘Jill’ parties to more kink events. i’ve already brought it to Kinky Kollege…and have a couple more lined up. A Jill party is where i gather women together in a safe space, where others can watch us but not touch us, and we masturbate side by side. It’s for women only…..vulva owners only…..to have a safe space to explore our juicy, sexual energy. This has brought up questions by guys as to why they can’t join. Many men won’t understand this because they’ve never had a reason to feel unsafe. Many women have felt unsafe in their sexuality for a very long time. Spreading their thighs and exposing themselves is very dangerous. This is a time that we can do that with pride and sensuality and support of others. It’s healing.

For the guys, there may be a time that i offer ‘Jack and Jill’ parties. I will interview the guys first, so make sure they are in it for the healing aspect and not the expected handjob they think they are going to get. ….Is that judgmental? Maybe so. I’ll have to work on that. But, as someone that has been used by men since …….(another soapbox rant….sorry). Short story, my goal at the moment is to work with women healing rituals and the Jill party is one of those that i made up that i’d like to take on the road. Men and those with penis body parts will just have to understand. Or not and start their own gathering.

I also plan on having masturbation (self-pleasuring) healing rituals….that are by themselves…..not part of an event.

And more workshops on Qadishti BDSM and Sacred Sexuality and Energy work. These are for anyone.

I’ve also got this idea and i’m not sure how far i’m going to go with it………but i’m think of doing some spiritual topping. I already do this in ritual when i’m asked by someone that wants to use bdsm or sex energy for healing, but i’m thinking of doing it more on a service topping level as well. We’ll see. i’m not much of a top but if it’s for service and/or healing and/or connection, it might be a route i take.

 

OK….time to embrace the badass side of my self. Jumping on the motorcycle and going to enjoy this beautiful day.

 

Qadishti Priestess vs Leather Woman (part 3)

I’m still processing this.

My thinking at the moment…..Qadishtu Priestess is soft, loving and compassionate, person and lover (or so i’m thinking at the moment),  ….and Leather Woman is a tough badass, making things in life happen and authentically wild as a lover (or i would be).

I have a feeling I’m going to embrace my Gemini personality and go with both.

I want to be a loving, compassionate, badass, wild lover.

Qadishti Priestess vs. Leather Woman (part 2)

So, do I need to decide between being a Qadishti Priestess and a Leather Woman?

 

As a Qadishti Priestess my path would lead me to helping others as I already do. As a Leather Woman my path would lead me to helping others as I already do.

 

If I focus on being a Qadishti Priestess, I’ll probably take a few more sacred sexuality classes if I can find some that sound interesting and is something new for me. I’ll also schedule and teach POTQ2 and hold more Energy and Sacred Sexuality workshops. I might even look into being a Death Doula. Most of this will be done in the Leather/Kink world. Even the stuff at the Space, like the rituals I do, will take on a more sexual overtone.

 

If I focus on being a Leather Woman, I’ll probably join a Leather Women’s group that I’ve been looking at, and maybe attend WILL and maybe run for a title or 2 on my own. I’d put out a few more bids for presenting and being a judge.

 

Wow. As I type these things out….I can see/feel where my passion is. Both. But, I see it as ‘being’ Qadishti and living as a Leather Woman. I can be a Leather Woman with a Spiritual path of a Qadishti Priestess. I mean, how is it any different than being a Christian Leather Woman, or a Jewish Leather Woman. Oh…..there is a slight difference. Because it would be like being a Jewish Rabbi Leather Woman or Christian Clergy Leather Woman.

 

It can be done. But, the training and the next steps and the focus. Qadishti Priestess. It’s time to embrace it again and move forward. And I can do it as a Leather Woman.

It is funny, because all the Oracle and Tarot cards that I’ve been drawing lately have been telling me that I have the answer inside…that I already know the answer. The problem is, I keep thinking I’ve learned everything I need to know to be a Qadishtu. But it’s not true. There are many things I can learn and many things that I can do to help others live their lives as sexual beings.

So, * rubbing hands together * ….what’s next?

I’m betting it’s scheduling POTQ2 so that others can learn skills to be the Qadishtu’s and  Qadeshes that speak to their hearts.

 

(side note….i think i’ve been resisting it because i really thought this would be something i’d be doing with my husband…he’s on a different path, though. So, i’ve been wanting to find someone else to walk this path with or to at least study with …and the Universe just hasn’t provided it. So I held off. But, I need to embrace the idea that this is a path I can walk alone.)

(side note #2…there are a couple of people using the title ‘Qadishti’ that I don’t want associated with me. I don’t want people to come across them and think I’m like them. But, i”m sure a lot of clergy feel that way about some clergy members of their chosen spiritual path. I will go out there and continue to be the ethical person that I am. )

Qadishti Priestess vs Leather Woman

 

I’ve been struggling over what my next step is on my spiritual path….or better yet, my soul path.

Recently, I was posting to my ‘101 in 1001’ facebook group and it slammed home for me. ‘101 in 1001’ means 101 goals in 1001 days. These are things that I need to do, want to do, or desire to do. Some are fun, and some are not. Though, the really fun ones are on my naughty 101 in 1001 list. Anyway, I was posting some of my stuff to this group, when someone else on the group posted that keeping their website updated was on their list.

I asked her what her website was about. She said it was on her practice as a Death Doula. Well, that struck my interest. I’ve heard of a birth Doula before, but not a Death Doula. Plus, I had thought of working with hospices before and had even given out my card so that they could call me if a Pagan Priestess is needed. No luck. This girl on my facebook group told me a little bit about it. I responded saying that I had just finished my Tantra classes and wouldn’t it be weird to be a Tantric instructor and a Death Doula. She said not really because she is a Death Doula and a Qadishti Priestess.

Whoa! Hold the phone!

Not many people use that descriptor…..Qadishti Priestess.

So, I went and looked at her friends. You see, you can only get on my 101 in 1001 facebook group if you are invited by someone that is already on the group. So, I needed to know who this person was. Well, she must have been doing the same thing at the same time.

I recognized all our mutual friends as people that had taken the ‘Path of the Qadishti’ course that my husband and I created years ago. She went to my profile and checked out the same, and my pics. She about flipped out.

It looks like we met last spring at lunch where Dan and I signed her certificate for completing the course.

I told Dan about this and about how her using ‘Qadishti Priestess’ really felt powerful. I’ve been calling myself a ‘Wiccan trained, shamanic, buddhist flavored, Qadishti Priestess’ or usually, ‘Pagan Priestess’. It doesn’t have the same punch as ‘Qadishti Priestess’.

Dan, my husband, has been listening to me during my struggle to find my next step and after meditation over the weekend while we were in Kansas City, he spoke up and said that he was hearing me say that my next step should be ‘Qadishti Priestess’.

There is also a place on our presenter bio where he has added that he is a Novice Monk in a Buddhist Zen Tradition. He wants me to come up with a one line descriptor as well, if I want one. He likes the sound of Qadishti Priestess if it speaks to me. This is where I have to be careful because it’s easy for me to follow along with his suggestions. My goal is to please him and sometimes I forget to look at what it is that I really want.

So, over the weekend I tried it on for size. It feels good. It feels powerful. It is who I am.

But, Monday morning we found a place to meditate at before getting on the plane to come back home, Unity Temple on the Plaza in Kansas City. We meditated with a small group of people for a half hour. During this meditation my head got away from me for a little bit and I pictured myself on our bio page in my Priestess robes. But, even though that felt right, I also saw myself wearing my Leathers.

I am a Leather Woman. I am a Qadishti Priestess.

How do I resolve this? Which one will I put on our bio page? Which one will I focus on as the next step on my soul path? Can I combine the 2?

Damn…I thought I had an answer….now I’m not so sure.

 

Qadishtu work at Camp

Last weekend, we road our motorcycles to Indiana, to an event called ‘Twisted Tryst’. What an amazing event! It’s not the first time we’ve attended this event and for those into woo and being outdoors and are ok with seeing some edgy stuff, this is the event for you!

The odd part though, was that it’s a place for transformation, a place for soul searching, a place for digging deep within ourselves. …..but, i didn’t have any of that this year. The last couple of times i’ve been have been amazing. This time around i was hoping to tap into my pagan side and/or my qadishtu side. It didn’t happen. Though, i did see it happening with a lot of people there. This even was full of courageous people tapping into their shadows and using bdsm (and i saw 2 people with body paints….it doesn’t have to be pain) to create sacred places for healing.

This is my thing. So, why didn’t i have anything to work on? We taught 4 classes and that was fun…..Living M/s….8 Poly Tools….Sacred Sex ….and Sex Magick. That should have stirred up something to work on, but it didn’t.

I even had the message from the angel card i drew last week…..’Use your God-given power and intention to manifest blessings in your life.’ i’ve been stuck on trying to figure out what my ‘God-given power and intention’ is. Yet, i didn’t feel drawn to work on that at camp. i actually felt peaceful at camp.

i had 2 scenes at the end of Saturday night. I cried some during the second one. But, i’m not sure what he tapped into. Usually, i have pictures in my head when the pain breaks me open, but not this time.

We spent the weekend teaching and resting. Maybe that was the lesson for the weekend? Resting? …plus there was joy in our bike ride. So, maybe the weekend was about resting and joy? i’m not sure.

i really thought that after teaching ‘Sex Magic’ it would hype me up and i’d want to do ritual or such. It didn’t happen. I even walked down to the lake because water usually pumps me up for magick. Not this time.

Am I missing something?