The more i think about it, the more it seems that my Qadishtu path is going to be about teaching. i’m ok with that…partly. i love teaching. i love sharing experience. i love reading on specific topics to learn more.
But, at some point, i’d like to experience more. i need to find some festivals that include classes on Sacred Sexuality. Not Tantra. But, deep, dark, intense Sacred Sexuality. i used to go to events like that, but they dont’ seem to exist anymore. Or i just haven’t been making it a priority to find them. But, festivals like that is how i learned so much. i learn from experience, hands on experience much easier than books. And to find people that have experience to share, that would be amazing.
So, though i’m creating a reading list for my path, and will be creating a code of conduct and expectations for myself, and will be creating ritual and workshops and POTQ2 and facebook groups……my biggest chance at growth and experience on this path will be going to festivals.
Time to start looking for what’s available come spring.
Had a rough time today.
My thinking is…..as a Qadishtu Priestess that is leading Qadishtu training and rituals and circles….i’m by myself. i put a call out for other Qadishtu’s (those that have taken POTQ training) to join my secret facebook group so that we could all talk as Qadishti and share stories and what we are doing with our training. 1 person spoke up and 1 person that is interested in the training spoke up. That’s great. But, there were so many more that didn’t. That makes me feel very alone.
So, i started thinking….if I concentrated more on the Leather Woman side….there are many out there and many that want me to join their group. i could be part of a group instead of a leader.
But, i’m not much of a joiner or a follower, except with my Master.
Leading and creating stuff and teaching ….that’s what i do. I just feel like i’m all alone in this endevour.
I can do both, that’s true. I just have to figure out how to balance it.
“Tantra says sex can change your life. Awareness during sex opens the heart. It softens the hearts of men and dissolves their anger. It strengthens the heart of women and exorcises their fear.
It feeds you what you need.
The essence of tantra is not the fancy ritual technicalities and mystical mumbo-jumbo. The essence of tantra is a profound simplicity; Making love makes more love, brings more love into the world, into your world.
Love, the original wholeness, is always the real healer.
Sexual healing is, then, not just healing the sexual part of yourself, but uniting your isolated selves, the lost, lonely, hurt, confused parts, through the magical mystery power of sexual love. Tantra asserts that you can heal your life with loving sex when that is your conscious intention.”
—Red Hot Tantra by David Ramsdale
You know, I totally believe this, “you can heal your life with loving sex when that is your conscious intention.” Though, i also believe it doesn’t have to be a conscious intention. I believe that loving sex is healing regardless if there is intent to heal or not. Loving sex creates trust, and trust is the healer.
Each time i experience loving sex, sex with someone that finds me desirable and who wants to have sex with me, sex with someone that is not just thinking about their own pleasure but sees me as a worthy of receiving pleasure, that’s built trust with them and trust in myself. That’s been fantastic healing moments for me.
That’s probably why i can’t really do swing clubs. It’s not ‘sex’ i desire, but connected, loving sex.
And the more time between episodes of loving sex, the more i start to doubt myself and my relationships. Though, it’s not as bad as it used to be. I’ve healed some. But, the fact that i still need more healing, sneaks up on me every now and then.
I am what they call a ‘Broken Healer’. It doesn’t mean i’m currently broken. But, it does mean that one reason i can help others is because i’ve been in their shoes.
But, i don’t feel so broken when loving sex is a part of my life.
When loving sex is a part of my life, I feel more love towards others
i’m really looking foward to teaching those interested in becoming Qadishti or at least learning some skills that i feel Qadishti need to learn. These include everything from learning about consent, energy work, chakras, sacred touch, sensuality, working with others, seeing the world through Qadishti eyes, sacred sexuality, and other topics like this.
This is my heart song at the moment. Hopefully, it will last. i’m looking at the calendar to see what kind of time i have. That’s the hard part…time.
We’ll see if i can start making this a priority.
Well, there really isn’t much out there in the way of training to be a Qadishti. Many of us kind of create our own thing.
Inara, from Temple of the Red Lotus, used to have some online training. But, she’s traveling now, so i don’t think it’s available anymore. Checking…..googled…..nope, can’t find it.
So, all that is available, that i’m aware of is the ‘Path of the Qadishti’ program that my husband and i created years ago. We started getting overwhelmed with everything else we were doing, So, we handed it off to a student and her partner and they’ve been running it for years. i think they skipped it this year though.
And i run POTQ2 for the graduates of POTQ1.
So, there really isn’t any training for ME to take. I try to take a Tantra course every now and then. I lead a Tantra meetup and every once in awhile there is someone that shows up that can teach me something. i took an online Tantra course recently. And other than that, i read and experience.
So, the next thing i’m doing for my self training…..well there are 2 things and i think i mentioned the first one already. The first one is to write my expectations that i have of myself as a Qadishti Priestess. The 2nd is to come up with a list of books to read.
Here’s what I have so far:
Ethical Slut (re-read)
Radical Ecstasy (re-read)
Finding God through Sex (Re-read)
Casting a Queer Circle
The Body Keeps Score
So, part of this reading list is about Sacred Sexuality, some about Sex Positivity, others about Ritual, others about Somatic healing…..and so on. i’m happy with this list so far. Now i just have to make time to read them. Write now, i’m reading Red Tantra, 1 chapter a day.
i tried to find out from our podcast listeners what they read. No responses.
So, this is how i’m re-branding the ‘Jill Party’ that i’ve facilitated at a kink event.
Like i’ve mentioned before….i have a desire to host these at various adult events. Though, if the event thinks they are too exclusive (vulva owners only), then i’ll just have them as my personal scene and invite a few women in. 🙂
Here is what i told one woman this morning…..she was expressing a fear in participating in one that my friend is hosting up in Chicago this weekend. Though it’s not like what i did up there. She made some changes. Anyway, this woman was saying that she was scared and it was pushing her comfort zone. Here’s what i told her…..
“that’s part of what this is about. Yes, it’s scary, yes it’s pushing some boundaries, yes it can be something that you need to push yourself to do. To lay hip to hip and shoulder to shoulder with other women as we self-pleasure, drowning in the sensual/sexual energy of those of our own sex, opening our vulvas to the Universe.
i created this as a way of using sensual/sexual energy for empowerment and healing of women.
And of course, it’s just a lot of fun to be in that potent & powerful energy. 🙂
If this was scary for you to do….make sure to congratulate yourself on walking through your fear when you are done.
Have a great time everyone! i’ll be thinking of you as i host a spanking party here in Columbus! 😉
Oh….and remember….it’s not always about the orgasm. Yes orgasms or fun….but in 20 minutes, some will reach orgasm….some won’t. i did once and not the other time. It’s not a big deal. The idea is to feel the pleasure and energy of the others around you and to contribute to that pleasure with your own pleasure. Explore your body. Bring it pleasure. ….and it’s not a show. Close your eyes if needed so that you can feel the energy of those around you and not pay attention to those watching. It’s not about them. They are just there to witness the beauty.”
And that’s my thought on it…..it’s not about anything except experiencing the beauty of being a woman, with a beautiful vulva (pussy, cunt, whatever you call it) and expressing that beauty with other women. If anyone is watching, they are just witnesses not participants.