Recently, I’ve been thinking that maybe I’ve already learned everything I need to know. Yes, I know how arrogant that type of thinking is, but I don’t feel like I’ve learned anything new in a long time. At least anything that would help my spiritual path. I mean, i know there are technical things I could go out and learn or a new skill, but that’s not really what I’m talking about, or is it?
I took the tantra certification, hoping to learn something new. I didn’t. It’s stuff that I’ve been teaching for years. It was actually very frustrating for me. I keep wanting to find a teacher instead of always being a teacher.
I’ve been craving the experience I had during my first 10 years of this journey. Not all of it, because some of it was painful, but we found outdoor festivals that were sex positive and I found amazing people to work with on my healing journey and my sex positive journey. I’m just not finding new experiences like that anymore.
Until recently. I’m not sure what happened, except for the fact that I’m trying some things that are out of my element. That’s the trick, isn’t it? I’m so comfortable in the communities I spend my time in, that there don’t seem to be any big things for me to learn. So, I need to step out of my comfort zone.
I’m doing that.
Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve driven to Detroit on my own to teach a mindfulness class at an intensive, and though I knew a few people there, I didn’t know most of the submissives present…..AND I drove in the snow/ice all the way up there. The 3 1/2 hour drive, took 7 hours. It was rough, but I did it. I felt obligated to be there and that gave me the drive to be there.
The person that had created this intensive, had copied it off of the ones I’ve been running for 7 years. She put her own flavoring to it, but it was still a good event. And while there, I learned a few things. For one, crocheting while listening, helps my attention a lot! I’m going to have to keep that in mind and not take it personally when people are doing that in my audience when I’m presenting.
I also learned that good hugs…..are good. I need to hug more. I usually don’t, because I’m protecting my personal space and don’t feel like hugging everyone. But, I had 2 people give me hugs while I was there and it just felt really really good. They were truly happy to have me there and shared amazing heart hugs with me. I want to offer that to others and need to practice more often. I don’t need to protect my personal space if I’m projecting love.
I’ve also decided to become a vendor again. This time I’ll be doing it on my own. I had a lot of Dan’s help last time and I’m sure he’ll be helping out a little bit this time, but it will be as he wants to, not because he needs to. I’m having fun with this. I’ve found a win-win situation in vending items that others are making but don’t have time or are too sick to vend for themselves at the moment. This is going to be my creative project and I really see it taking off. If it does, I won’t have to go back to corporate america.
AND…..I’ve never thought of myself good with my hands….but I’m working with arcane and helping him create floggers. I’ve cut leather, create torque heads and now I’ve been on the lathe and created flogger handles. It’s been fun and I’ve done an great job! Now I just need to get faster.
I’ve also offered my time and services to Mr. Malaprop who also does wood items for kink events. I have no clue what type of help he might need, but I’m making myself more available for him.
So, there are still things for me to learn. I just need to step out of the communities that I’m so comfortable with……or at least look at them from different vantage points. That’s where I’m going to learn something new. New crafts, new skills and as with the hugs, new things for my spiritual path.