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Making love makes more love…..

“Tantra says sex can change your life. Awareness during sex opens the heart. It softens the hearts of men and dissolves their anger. It strengthens the heart of women and exorcises their fear.

It feeds you what you need.

The essence of tantra is not the fancy ritual technicalities and mystical mumbo-jumbo. The essence of tantra is a profound simplicity; Making love makes more love, brings more love into the world, into your world.

Love, the original wholeness, is always the real healer.

Sexual healing is, then, not just healing the sexual part of yourself, but uniting your isolated selves, the lost, lonely, hurt, confused parts, through the magical mystery power of sexual love. Tantra asserts that you can heal your life with loving sex when that is your conscious intention.”

—Red Hot Tantra by David Ramsdale

 

You know, I totally believe this, “you can heal your life with loving sex when that is your conscious intention.” Though, i also believe it doesn’t have to be a conscious intention. I believe that loving sex is healing regardless if there is intent to heal or not. Loving sex creates trust, and trust is the healer.

Each time i experience loving sex, sex with someone that finds me desirable and who wants to have sex with me, sex with someone that is not just thinking about their own pleasure but sees me as a worthy of receiving pleasure, that’s built trust with them and trust in myself. That’s been fantastic healing moments for me.

That’s probably why i can’t really do swing clubs. It’s not ‘sex’ i desire, but connected, loving sex.

And the more time between episodes of loving sex, the more i start to doubt myself and my relationships. Though, it’s not as bad as it used to be. I’ve healed some. But, the fact that i still need more healing, sneaks up on me every now and then.

I am what they call a ‘Broken Healer’. It doesn’t mean i’m currently broken. But, it does mean that one reason i can help others is because i’ve been in their shoes.

But, i don’t feel so broken when loving sex is a part of my life.

When loving sex is a part of my life, I feel more love towards others

Aging as a Qadishtu

I am Qadishtu….a practitioner of sacred sexuality. I believe in the healing power of sex and that we wouldn’t have been given these enjoyable parts of our anatomy if we weren’t supposed to have fun with them.

With that said, I’m getting older. And even though my sex drive is soaring through the roof, my body doesn’t look like that of a young woman anymore. I have a bad back and a knee that will act up for no reason out of the blue. Since my surgery to remove the extra skin around my middle, I can’t find sexy clothes to wear. My corsets don’t fit anymore and I have a scar all the way around me.

Because of this, I don’t feel so sexy anymore. So, how do I put myself out there when I’m not feeling sexy (most days anyway)?

I want to have healing sex. I want to have passionate sex. I want to have sex that connects me with the Divine. I want to have sex that expands my self and my world. I want sex that blows my mind. Dammit. I want sex!

I actually feel like I felt sexier when I was heavier but younger. I know that’s not true. I had issues back then as well.

Hell, except for a couple of years as a teen, I didn’t even enjoy sex until I was 32. Now, I need to make up for lost time!

In all honesty, sex is fun but it is also very healing for me. It is part of my personal healing path. This aging thing sucks.

I will figure out how to turn this feeling around and become an empowered older Qadishtu/woman. I just need to figure out how. If I figure it out, I’ll share.