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Medicine Card about Qadishtu

I’ve been in a funky mood since getting triggered at our event BTL last week. We had people show up from another event to tell us how we were doing our event was wrong, and they did it in front of about 100 people that were in our class, ‘Ask Us the Hard Shit’. Everything was going great, on only about 3 hours of sleep after dealing with 2 drunk attendees early that morning. Then, these people who don’t know us at all decided that moment to verbally attack us and how we do our event (sold out for year number 6). Totally triggered me. Felt like a hostage situation where we were being bullied and no one thought the could help us. It was awful. And i’m not the only one they triggered.

I’m finally out of the trigger but am still having a problem with realizing how mean people can be. That was just mean. What they did was mean and they are ok with it. They feel they are doing it to benefit groups of people.

Now i’m seeing all the meanness around me, especially on poly facebook groups. It’s awful.

So, why would i wan to be a priestess of any sort? There is so much meanness out there.

*sigh* That’s my answer, isn’t it? i’m not a mean person. So, i need to be out there doing my thing don’t i?

i’m trying to get back on track with my priestess self.

For meditation this morning, i drew a medicine card. i asked the cards what i needed to do with my Qadishtu path. ‘Medicine cards, medicine cards, tell me true. What do i need to hear from you regarding my Qadishtu path?’

Reversed Antelope:

Quit being conventional and following others all the time. Take your own authority. Let Antelope’s heart beat strong in you, and you will know the way. Bas as always, the message is “Do it!” The fear of the unknown subsides once action begins.

Contrary Antelope may also be telling you that a decision to start is now necessary. The main element in procrastination is lack of conviction. To honor your chosen destiny is to honor your commitment to doing what you “proclaim” you are doing. Walking your talk is the essence of Antelope people. Talking your walk is contrary Antelope personified.

To right contrary Antelope, three steps are necessary:

  1. Have the desire to do something
  2.  Make the firm decision to begin that action
  3. Do it!

More on Depression….

Well, son of a bitch……some of this stuff just grips me and i don’t know what to do with it….

 

My husband and i were off to get ice-cream this evening….it’s cheat day…..and was flipping stations on Sirius radio and he stopped on a station that was having an interview with Rick Springfield. I LOVE Rick Springfield. He is so damn cute, even at 68 years old. ….but as i’m listening to him, i’m remembering that he also suffers from depression. So, i just looked him up because he’s supposed to be in town this Saturday. *sigh*

 

And what I’m reading is heart-breaking…..though there is some good stuff in there as well.

 

It seems that he’s still suffering from depression and as recently as last year has thought about ending it all. Rick god-damned Springfield!! 80’s musical superstar, 80’s soap opera cutie, movie star, tv star (recently on Supernatural), still doing music and concerts….people know his music….music that he wrote….he is a very talented individual.

 

Obviously, being a star doesn’t make you immune to depression. He said his first attempt was at 17. He’s 68 now. He’s been living with these moments of darkness and despair his whole life. So many people have lived with this their whole life. Believe me, it’s not something you choose.

 

I want to help him. I want to put his head in my lap and stroke his hair and tell him everything is going to be ok. But, you know, (at least i know) that we can’t always ‘hear’ those words when they are spoken to us. Or if we do hear them, we certainly don’t believe them. i know for me i had to truly believe that everything would cycle around to being in a good place again….i had to hold on long enough to get to the upswing…….but believing that the upswing will eventually happen, well that only comes with experience. …the experience of seeing it circling back around…again and again and again.

 

So…..i can’t help him. But, it was heartwarming to read that¬† he’s trying to help himself and has been doing so his whole life. He’s tried different meds, and a lot of different things. He says it’s a life sentence. But, during one interview, he points out the 2 things that help him the most ….. meditation and sex. I can definitely get behind that. And hey, like I said, he’ll be in town this Saturday…..if only I knew where he was staying, maybe I could help him out with both of those. *grin* Unfortunately, the interviewer totally ignored the sex comment and pointed him in the meditation direction…and even then they only talked about that for a little bit.

 

Seriously though…..meditation and sex….I totally get that. I do meditate. I tell everyone that comes to my workshops about meditation and being mindful and present has helped me though some horrendous moments of PTSD. (actually going through a little bit of that today and should probably write about that as well….but will save it for later…when I’m at a spot where I’m less likely to tip over the edge). And sex, what better way of being in the moment. I teach this all the time in my Tantra classes…..be mindful and present and it will be the best sex you’ve every had.

 

So….Rick Springfield….one of my idols. I hope he keeps remembering that depression cycles around. Selfishly, I’d like him to keep spinning on this Earth with us for a while longer.

 

NEW YORK, NY – AUGUST 05: Rick Springfield speaks during AOL BUILD Speaker Series: “Ricki And The Flash” at AOL Studios In New York on August 5, 2015 in New York City. (Photo by John Lamparski/WireImage)