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Confidence is Sexy

I’ve heard this a couple of times now….’Confidence is sexy’ …and I must say that I know it works for me.

I had a boyfriend in highschool and I used to tease him, telling him that he was arrogant. He’d reply, ‘I’m not arrogant, but I am confident’. And damn if it didn’t work. I really had the hots for him. As a matter of fact, the guys that i’ve fallen for, have all been confident men. Hell, for all i know they are faking it, but damn if they aren’t doing a good job. And it totally turns me on.

So, what about in women? I think it’s harder for us to be confident in ourselves. Many of us had crappy childhoods or were told we couldn’t achieve what we wanted to achieve. Many of us were held back from our greatest potential. Not all of us. I know that. And some us succeeded despite the fact we had crappy childhoods.

i want to be confident and believe that people do find it sexy. Confident, not arrogant.

But, how do you become confident when your whole childhood you were pushed down and definitely not lifted up during a marriage. My parents actually told me that I had no business trying to be better then them when I told them I wanted to go to college. They actually teased me about getting good grades, saying I was trying to be a goody two shoes, a show off. But, i kept at it, trying to prove that I was a good person. I had help from my 6th grade math teacher, who was a drinking buddy of my dads, to get in the gifted program at school. My parents had a fit. Most parents want their children to succeed….mine did not. As a matter of fact, when it came time to go to college, they absolutely refused to fill out the paperwork they needed to fill out for me to go. If i wanted student loans, the colleges needed their financial statement. They wouldn’t give it. I wasn’t able to go to college until I had had 2 kids.

When I graduated college, I invited them out for the graduation. They did nothing but complain the whole time they were out here. I was so glad when they left.

And this is just a small piece of what happened. I won’t even go into the other horrendous things I experienced.

It’s hard to be a confident person after stuff like that. But, have moments when I remember that I survived my childhood and the fact that my mother told me to my face that I was unwanted and she blamed me (getting pregnant with me) for ruining her life. It’s hard after being married to a drug addict that said I was a sick person for having the interest that I have in bdsm and power exchange. I had to take care of the family because he couldn’t hold a job. Then, the time on my healing path. Holy cow. That was a super rough time. all these things can make a person a basket case. How do you become a confident person after experiences like this?

But, it’s possible. It’s hard for some of us. But, it’s possible. I’ve done it. I have moments where I’ve lost all confidence in myself, but then I remember what I pulled myself through. I survived my childhood, with a sense of self and right vs. wrong. I survived having 2 children at a young age and a addict for a husband for 14 years. I survived working on my healing path. I survived depression, even though I still have moments. I’ve survived some very intense times of ptsd and flashbacks.

Confidence. It’s not always easy. And sometimes I have to fake it till I make it. But, when it happens, it makes me feel so good. I’m drawn to it in others….and it’s awesome when I’m drawn to it in myself, as well. I just have to remember how good it feels.


More on Depression….

Well, son of a bitch……some of this stuff just grips me and i don’t know what to do with it….


My husband and i were off to get ice-cream this evening….it’s cheat day…..and was flipping stations on Sirius radio and he stopped on a station that was having an interview with Rick Springfield. I LOVE Rick Springfield. He is so damn cute, even at 68 years old. ….but as i’m listening to him, i’m remembering that he also suffers from depression. So, i just looked him up because he’s supposed to be in town this Saturday. *sigh*


And what I’m reading is heart-breaking…..though there is some good stuff in there as well.


It seems that he’s still suffering from depression and as recently as last year has thought about ending it all. Rick god-damned Springfield!! 80’s musical superstar, 80’s soap opera cutie, movie star, tv star (recently on Supernatural), still doing music and concerts….people know his music….music that he wrote….he is a very talented individual.


Obviously, being a star doesn’t make you immune to depression. He said his first attempt was at 17. He’s 68 now. He’s been living with these moments of darkness and despair his whole life. So many people have lived with this their whole life. Believe me, it’s not something you choose.


I want to help him. I want to put his head in my lap and stroke his hair and tell him everything is going to be ok. But, you know, (at least i know) that we can’t always ‘hear’ those words when they are spoken to us. Or if we do hear them, we certainly don’t believe them. i know for me i had to truly believe that everything would cycle around to being in a good place again….i had to hold on long enough to get to the upswing…….but believing that the upswing will eventually happen, well that only comes with experience. …the experience of seeing it circling back around…again and again and again.


So…..i can’t help him. But, it was heartwarming to read that  he’s trying to help himself and has been doing so his whole life. He’s tried different meds, and a lot of different things. He says it’s a life sentence. But, during one interview, he points out the 2 things that help him the most ….. meditation and sex. I can definitely get behind that. And hey, like I said, he’ll be in town this Saturday…..if only I knew where he was staying, maybe I could help him out with both of those. *grin* Unfortunately, the interviewer totally ignored the sex comment and pointed him in the meditation direction…and even then they only talked about that for a little bit.


Seriously though…..meditation and sex….I totally get that. I do meditate. I tell everyone that comes to my workshops about meditation and being mindful and present has helped me though some horrendous moments of PTSD. (actually going through a little bit of that today and should probably write about that as well….but will save it for later…when I’m at a spot where I’m less likely to tip over the edge). And sex, what better way of being in the moment. I teach this all the time in my Tantra classes… mindful and present and it will be the best sex you’ve every had.


So….Rick Springfield….one of my idols. I hope he keeps remembering that depression cycles around. Selfishly, I’d like him to keep spinning on this Earth with us for a while longer.


NEW YORK, NY – AUGUST 05: Rick Springfield speaks during AOL BUILD Speaker Series: “Ricki And The Flash” at AOL Studios In New York on August 5, 2015 in New York City. (Photo by John Lamparski/WireImage)