Still doing a lot of thinking about my Qadishtu path.
Listening to a book right now with some ideas that i’d really like to put in practice. She is talking about somatic counseling. i’ve been lucky enough to have had a somatic counselor and have wanted to follow in his footsteps, but when he offered his class locally it was during the day while i was working. So, i didn’t get to take it 🙁
But, the ideas she talks about are things that i’ve done before. So, i’m thinking of putting another workshop together.
AND i just taught a class last week on being a survivor in a power exchange relationship. i’ve taught this class before, but with the political climate that seems to be so against women, it’s time to bring it back and teach it in more places. i’ve already had someone reach out from NYC that wants me to bring it there. Dan teaches this one with me and him sharing how he has dealt with a traumatized survivor that he helped turn into a thriver is very powerful.
More….there is more for me to study and more workshops and rituals for me to put together.
And it’s time for me to schedule the next POTQ2 (Path of the Qadishti) course for those that have graduated from POTQ1.
So, do I need to decide between being a Qadishti Priestess and a Leather Woman?
As a Qadishti Priestess my path would lead me to helping others as I already do. As a Leather Woman my path would lead me to helping others as I already do.
If I focus on being a Qadishti Priestess, I’ll probably take a few more sacred sexuality classes if I can find some that sound interesting and is something new for me. I’ll also schedule and teach POTQ2 and hold more Energy and Sacred Sexuality workshops. I might even look into being a Death Doula. Most of this will be done in the Leather/Kink world. Even the stuff at the Space, like the rituals I do, will take on a more sexual overtone.
If I focus on being a Leather Woman, I’ll probably join a Leather Women’s group that I’ve been looking at, and maybe attend WILL and maybe run for a title or 2 on my own. I’d put out a few more bids for presenting and being a judge.
Wow. As I type these things out….I can see/feel where my passion is. Both. But, I see it as ‘being’ Qadishti and living as a Leather Woman. I can be a Leather Woman with a Spiritual path of a Qadishti Priestess. I mean, how is it any different than being a Christian Leather Woman, or a Jewish Leather Woman. Oh…..there is a slight difference. Because it would be like being a Jewish Rabbi Leather Woman or Christian Clergy Leather Woman.
It can be done. But, the training and the next steps and the focus. Qadishti Priestess. It’s time to embrace it again and move forward. And I can do it as a Leather Woman.
It is funny, because all the Oracle and Tarot cards that I’ve been drawing lately have been telling me that I have the answer inside…that I already know the answer. The problem is, I keep thinking I’ve learned everything I need to know to be a Qadishtu. But it’s not true. There are many things I can learn and many things that I can do to help others live their lives as sexual beings.
So, * rubbing hands together * ….what’s next?
I’m betting it’s scheduling POTQ2 so that others can learn skills to be the Qadishtu’s and Qadeshes that speak to their hearts.
(side note….i think i’ve been resisting it because i really thought this would be something i’d be doing with my husband…he’s on a different path, though. So, i’ve been wanting to find someone else to walk this path with or to at least study with …and the Universe just hasn’t provided it. So I held off. But, I need to embrace the idea that this is a path I can walk alone.)
(side note #2…there are a couple of people using the title ‘Qadishti’ that I don’t want associated with me. I don’t want people to come across them and think I’m like them. But, i”m sure a lot of clergy feel that way about some clergy members of their chosen spiritual path. I will go out there and continue to be the ethical person that I am. )
Last weekend, we road our motorcycles to Indiana, to an event called ‘Twisted Tryst’. What an amazing event! It’s not the first time we’ve attended this event and for those into woo and being outdoors and are ok with seeing some edgy stuff, this is the event for you!
The odd part though, was that it’s a place for transformation, a place for soul searching, a place for digging deep within ourselves. …..but, i didn’t have any of that this year. The last couple of times i’ve been have been amazing. This time around i was hoping to tap into my pagan side and/or my qadishtu side. It didn’t happen. Though, i did see it happening with a lot of people there. This even was full of courageous people tapping into their shadows and using bdsm (and i saw 2 people with body paints….it doesn’t have to be pain) to create sacred places for healing.
This is my thing. So, why didn’t i have anything to work on? We taught 4 classes and that was fun…..Living M/s….8 Poly Tools….Sacred Sex ….and Sex Magick. That should have stirred up something to work on, but it didn’t.
I even had the message from the angel card i drew last week…..’Use your God-given power and intention to manifest blessings in your life.’ i’ve been stuck on trying to figure out what my ‘God-given power and intention’ is. Yet, i didn’t feel drawn to work on that at camp. i actually felt peaceful at camp.
i had 2 scenes at the end of Saturday night. I cried some during the second one. But, i’m not sure what he tapped into. Usually, i have pictures in my head when the pain breaks me open, but not this time.
We spent the weekend teaching and resting. Maybe that was the lesson for the weekend? Resting? …plus there was joy in our bike ride. So, maybe the weekend was about resting and joy? i’m not sure.
i really thought that after teaching ‘Sex Magic’ it would hype me up and i’d want to do ritual or such. It didn’t happen. I even walked down to the lake because water usually pumps me up for magick. Not this time.
Am I missing something?
I am Qadishtu….a practitioner of sacred sexuality. I believe in the healing power of sex and that we wouldn’t have been given these enjoyable parts of our anatomy if we weren’t supposed to have fun with them.
With that said, I’m getting older. And even though my sex drive is soaring through the roof, my body doesn’t look like that of a young woman anymore. I have a bad back and a knee that will act up for no reason out of the blue. Since my surgery to remove the extra skin around my middle, I can’t find sexy clothes to wear. My corsets don’t fit anymore and I have a scar all the way around me.
Because of this, I don’t feel so sexy anymore. So, how do I put myself out there when I’m not feeling sexy (most days anyway)?
I want to have healing sex. I want to have passionate sex. I want to have sex that connects me with the Divine. I want to have sex that expands my self and my world. I want sex that blows my mind. Dammit. I want sex!
I actually feel like I felt sexier when I was heavier but younger. I know that’s not true. I had issues back then as well.
Hell, except for a couple of years as a teen, I didn’t even enjoy sex until I was 32. Now, I need to make up for lost time!
In all honesty, sex is fun but it is also very healing for me. It is part of my personal healing path. This aging thing sucks.
I will figure out how to turn this feeling around and become an empowered older Qadishtu/woman. I just need to figure out how. If I figure it out, I’ll share.
Last Saturday, I was able to put my skill as a Qadishtu to work.
I was at a kink party and someone I’ve worked with before needed a session of sacred touch. She’s been going through a rough patch and really needed some help. I’m glad we were able to make it work out.
Since I wasn’t staying at the host hotel, it makes it harder to get everything in at an event, that i want to do. So, I only had the daytime available. We tried the day dungeon, but it was packed. We thought about driving to their hotel and using their bed, but I was resisting leaving the hotel. Her husband thought about going out in the hotel courtyard. Luckily it’s a hotel takeover event, so with the hotel wrapped around a courtyard, nudity is allowed outside.
So, we took her aftercare blanket and found an empty spot outside. She stripped down to her underwear and so did I. Then, her husband laid out her blanket for us. I had her breathe and then settle down on the blanket on the grass. I used my Reiki symbols to create a safe space for us and to get the energy flowing. It felt amazing to be doing this outside in the sun and the breeze.
I was able to balance her chakras, channel some Reiki and give sacred touch.
It was pretty spectacular.