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Making love makes more love…..

“Tantra says sex can change your life. Awareness during sex opens the heart. It softens the hearts of men and dissolves their anger. It strengthens the heart of women and exorcises their fear.

It feeds you what you need.

The essence of tantra is not the fancy ritual technicalities and mystical mumbo-jumbo. The essence of tantra is a profound simplicity; Making love makes more love, brings more love into the world, into your world.

Love, the original wholeness, is always the real healer.

Sexual healing is, then, not just healing the sexual part of yourself, but uniting your isolated selves, the lost, lonely, hurt, confused parts, through the magical mystery power of sexual love. Tantra asserts that you can heal your life with loving sex when that is your conscious intention.”

—Red Hot Tantra by David Ramsdale


You know, I totally believe this, “you can heal your life with loving sex when that is your conscious intention.” Though, i also believe it doesn’t have to be a conscious intention. I believe that loving sex is healing regardless if there is intent to heal or not. Loving sex creates trust, and trust is the healer.

Each time i experience loving sex, sex with someone that finds me desirable and who wants to have sex with me, sex with someone that is not just thinking about their own pleasure but sees me as a worthy of receiving pleasure, that’s built trust with them and trust in myself. That’s been fantastic healing moments for me.

That’s probably why i can’t really do swing clubs. It’s not ‘sex’ i desire, but connected, loving sex.

And the more time between episodes of loving sex, the more i start to doubt myself and my relationships. Though, it’s not as bad as it used to be. I’ve healed some. But, the fact that i still need more healing, sneaks up on me every now and then.

I am what they call a ‘Broken Healer’. It doesn’t mean i’m currently broken. But, it does mean that one reason i can help others is because i’ve been in their shoes.

But, i don’t feel so broken when loving sex is a part of my life.

When loving sex is a part of my life, I feel more love towards others

Red Tantra

So, i’m reading this book titled ‘Red Tantra’ …it’s talking about how orgasms are a gift of the Goddess, to connect with the Universe.

I so get this.

Red Tantra is a little different than most Tantra’s. Most Tantra paths that you hear about, at least in the Western World, are about controlling orgasms and energy. Red Tantra is about letting be what will be. Instead of trying to control things so that men last longer and can be multi-orgasmic…let things be a volcano, erupt with passion, enjoy being the sexual being you are, be in the present moment instead of using stories and positions to control things.

Yes! i kept thinking as a practitioner of sacred sexuality, i needed to study Tantra. And i have had some study’s. But, i like it more when the person that is with me is so in the zone and energetically available that passion just takes over. That doesn’t mean that orgasms on my part even have to happen. i just want to be passionately able to let my walls down and just feel the other person and the Universe without reservation. Sex (and BdSM) is my connection to persons and the Universe.

And if i get to have an orgasm, i love it when it’s the kind that has me blending with the energy world and universe around me.

Though, this book says that clitoral orgasms usually cause an emotional release and that how you know they are clitoral, i don’t always agree. Yes, i usually have an emotional release with them, but there are times i cry with a full body orgasm. Or with a good hot scene. Why? Because i’ve touched the Goddess. i’ve transcended this realm and experienced another beautiful place, another time, another dimension. I’ve felt my whole self, my complete self or i’ve transcended myself, i’m not sure which it is.

Heaven. That is heaven to me.

And calls to me so much more than the positions and exercises of White Tantra.