More than a few years ago, i had this vision (i don’t even remember the details) that i should be working with a Goddess with Wings. i tried Isis and a few others and they just didn’t feel right. i also knew that it was supposed to be a Goddess for Sacred Sexuality. For weeks i looked at google images and finally found one that worked for me. It was Freya.
i tried Freya on. i liked it. i did an ecstatic dance and invoked Frey to ask her why she came to me if i was looking for a Goddess of Sacred Sexuality. She laughed and said, how do you think i got my amber necklace from the dwarves? i slept with them. i am absolutely a Goddess of Sex. Many people focus on the Goddess of War, Valkirie aspect, but there is so much more.
So, i worked with Freya for a very long time. i still work with her some days, but it’s very rare now.
Today, i was doing some research on Qadishtu/Qadishti/Sacred Secuality for a new facebook group i started….and came across this ….
And her animals are lions.
i’ve also worked with Sekhmet because of her lion aspects.
So…what if i was supposed to have worked with Ishtar? i know a few that do work with her and her other name, Inanna. Some have even named themselves after her.
Before, i tried to make myself work with her (before i even knew she had wings). It didn’t work. I’m not sure i even recognized she had wings. Freya did and Freya spoke to me.
Now, i’m seeing the wings of Ishtar/Inanna and it feels like i’m supposed to work with her.
We’ll see how it goes.
This poem to her that I found (in another language and then translated) really spoke to me when i found it today…
Prayer by Ishara Labyris, Ps. Dea
Who pierces the sky with its soft light
Flame of Life
Mixing with the rain
To create the Rainbow Necklace
And to walk between the worlds
Ishtar of the Sea
To the thousand river daughters
Noisy or secret
O Mystery of the deep waters
of the original Matrix
Rich roots, green tops
Tree of Life, shadows and lights
Who descends under Earth
Under the roots, under the stones
Crossing the Seven Gates of Hell
Dying and reborn
Lover of all, wife of no
Freedom of love for everyone
Beauty that heals hearts
Prostitute to the sacred gift
In this place be venerated
In this place be thanked
I beg you, Ishtar
With all the beating of my heart
So, i’m reading this book titled ‘Red Tantra’ …it’s talking about how orgasms are a gift of the Goddess, to connect with the Universe.
I so get this.
Red Tantra is a little different than most Tantra’s. Most Tantra paths that you hear about, at least in the Western World, are about controlling orgasms and energy. Red Tantra is about letting be what will be. Instead of trying to control things so that men last longer and can be multi-orgasmic…let things be a volcano, erupt with passion, enjoy being the sexual being you are, be in the present moment instead of using stories and positions to control things.
Yes! i kept thinking as a practitioner of sacred sexuality, i needed to study Tantra. And i have had some study’s. But, i like it more when the person that is with me is so in the zone and energetically available that passion just takes over. That doesn’t mean that orgasms on my part even have to happen. i just want to be passionately able to let my walls down and just feel the other person and the Universe without reservation. Sex (and BdSM) is my connection to persons and the Universe.
And if i get to have an orgasm, i love it when it’s the kind that has me blending with the energy world and universe around me.
Though, this book says that clitoral orgasms usually cause an emotional release and that how you know they are clitoral, i don’t always agree. Yes, i usually have an emotional release with them, but there are times i cry with a full body orgasm. Or with a good hot scene. Why? Because i’ve touched the Goddess. i’ve transcended this realm and experienced another beautiful place, another time, another dimension. I’ve felt my whole self, my complete self or i’ve transcended myself, i’m not sure which it is.
Heaven. That is heaven to me.
And calls to me so much more than the positions and exercises of White Tantra.
So, do I need to decide between being a Qadishti Priestess and a Leather Woman?
As a Qadishti Priestess my path would lead me to helping others as I already do. As a Leather Woman my path would lead me to helping others as I already do.
If I focus on being a Qadishti Priestess, I’ll probably take a few more sacred sexuality classes if I can find some that sound interesting and is something new for me. I’ll also schedule and teach POTQ2 and hold more Energy and Sacred Sexuality workshops. I might even look into being a Death Doula. Most of this will be done in the Leather/Kink world. Even the stuff at the Space, like the rituals I do, will take on a more sexual overtone.
If I focus on being a Leather Woman, I’ll probably join a Leather Women’s group that I’ve been looking at, and maybe attend WILL and maybe run for a title or 2 on my own. I’d put out a few more bids for presenting and being a judge.
Wow. As I type these things out….I can see/feel where my passion is. Both. But, I see it as ‘being’ Qadishti and living as a Leather Woman. I can be a Leather Woman with a Spiritual path of a Qadishti Priestess. I mean, how is it any different than being a Christian Leather Woman, or a Jewish Leather Woman. Oh…..there is a slight difference. Because it would be like being a Jewish Rabbi Leather Woman or Christian Clergy Leather Woman.
It can be done. But, the training and the next steps and the focus. Qadishti Priestess. It’s time to embrace it again and move forward. And I can do it as a Leather Woman.
It is funny, because all the Oracle and Tarot cards that I’ve been drawing lately have been telling me that I have the answer inside…that I already know the answer. The problem is, I keep thinking I’ve learned everything I need to know to be a Qadishtu. But it’s not true. There are many things I can learn and many things that I can do to help others live their lives as sexual beings.
So, * rubbing hands together * ….what’s next?
I’m betting it’s scheduling POTQ2 so that others can learn skills to be the Qadishtu’s and Qadeshes that speak to their hearts.
(side note….i think i’ve been resisting it because i really thought this would be something i’d be doing with my husband…he’s on a different path, though. So, i’ve been wanting to find someone else to walk this path with or to at least study with …and the Universe just hasn’t provided it. So I held off. But, I need to embrace the idea that this is a path I can walk alone.)
(side note #2…there are a couple of people using the title ‘Qadishti’ that I don’t want associated with me. I don’t want people to come across them and think I’m like them. But, i”m sure a lot of clergy feel that way about some clergy members of their chosen spiritual path. I will go out there and continue to be the ethical person that I am. )
So….I’ve signed up for this Tantra course, so that I can teach tantra.
Funny thing is, I’ve been teaching sacred sexuality/tantra for many years.
I was all gung-ho about this Tantra course, paid for it, and since being out of work you’d think I would have concentrated on it. But, I haven’t. Granted, I’ve been busy with BTL and Space stuff….and binge watching Super Natural. I need to get this course completed so that I can start scheduling Tantra courses.
Is this my new path? I’m not sure. I’d love for it to be. Have dreamt of it. But, I’m betting I’ll have to wait til after retirement before I can be a full-time teacher of Tantra and Reiki.
I wonder if I could take the course over a couple of days? I won’t know til I actually open it up and look at it.
I’d like to bring sacred sexuality to many, many people. I believe that can help the tone of the world.
I am Qadishtu….a practitioner of sacred sexuality. I believe in the healing power of sex and that we wouldn’t have been given these enjoyable parts of our anatomy if we weren’t supposed to have fun with them.
With that said, I’m getting older. And even though my sex drive is soaring through the roof, my body doesn’t look like that of a young woman anymore. I have a bad back and a knee that will act up for no reason out of the blue. Since my surgery to remove the extra skin around my middle, I can’t find sexy clothes to wear. My corsets don’t fit anymore and I have a scar all the way around me.
Because of this, I don’t feel so sexy anymore. So, how do I put myself out there when I’m not feeling sexy (most days anyway)?
I want to have healing sex. I want to have passionate sex. I want to have sex that connects me with the Divine. I want to have sex that expands my self and my world. I want sex that blows my mind. Dammit. I want sex!
I actually feel like I felt sexier when I was heavier but younger. I know that’s not true. I had issues back then as well.
Hell, except for a couple of years as a teen, I didn’t even enjoy sex until I was 32. Now, I need to make up for lost time!
In all honesty, sex is fun but it is also very healing for me. It is part of my personal healing path. This aging thing sucks.
I will figure out how to turn this feeling around and become an empowered older Qadishtu/woman. I just need to figure out how. If I figure it out, I’ll share.