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Qadishtu work at Camp

Last weekend, we road our motorcycles to Indiana, to an event called ‘Twisted Tryst’. What an amazing event! It’s not the first time we’ve attended this event and for those into woo and being outdoors and are ok with seeing some edgy stuff, this is the event for you!

The odd part though, was that it’s a place for transformation, a place for soul searching, a place for digging deep within ourselves. …..but, i didn’t have any of that this year. The last couple of times i’ve been have been amazing. This time around i was hoping to tap into my pagan side and/or my qadishtu side. It didn’t happen. Though, i did see it happening with a lot of people there. This even was full of courageous people tapping into their shadows and using bdsm (and i saw 2 people with body paints….it doesn’t have to be pain) to create sacred places for healing.

This is my thing. So, why didn’t i have anything to work on? We taught 4 classes and that was fun…..Living M/s….8 Poly Tools….Sacred Sex ….and Sex Magick. That should have stirred up something to work on, but it didn’t.

I even had the message from the angel card i drew last week…..’Use your God-given power and intention to manifest blessings in your life.’ i’ve been stuck on trying to figure out what my ‘God-given power and intention’ is. Yet, i didn’t feel drawn to work on that at camp. i actually felt peaceful at camp.

i had 2 scenes at the end of Saturday night. I cried some during the second one. But, i’m not sure what he tapped into. Usually, i have pictures in my head when the pain breaks me open, but not this time.

We spent the weekend teaching and resting. Maybe that was the lesson for the weekend? Resting? …plus there was joy in our bike ride. So, maybe the weekend was about resting and joy? i’m not sure.

i really thought that after teaching ‘Sex Magic’ it would hype me up and i’d want to do ritual or such. It didn’t happen. I even walked down to the lake because water usually pumps me up for magick. Not this time.

Am I missing something? 

Sacred Sexuality

There is a meetup that I hold at The Space once a month; the Tantra Meetup. At this meetup I teach a lot of basics with Sacred Sexuality, Tantra and other sexuality modalities. Some of these classes are about breathing, chakras, mindfulness, and other basic topics. Stuff I learned many years ago.

But, like I said, basics. I’ve been wanting to bump up my training for years now, but have no one to do it with. Sacred Sexuality is easier learned with a partner. For me, that would be a masculine partner. Yin and Yang.

I’e been looking for years. Though, tonight it struck me that if I keep surrounding myself with new people, all I’m meeting are new people. I’d have to ‘train’ someone for awhile to catch up with me. But, that’s not what I want to do. I’d rather find someone that has different training and experiences than me…something that we could blend.

It’s been hard to find….impossible. Like I’ve said, I’ve been out there looking for years. 10 years? If not a little longer.

But, what is it that I’m really looking for in this? I guess just to further my training and experience. I’d like to bump it up. But, I’m just not sure how.

And is it worth my time? The Universe hasn’t been helpful. Maybe it’s not the path I’m supposed to be on.

Not sure. Not going to worry about it for awhile. For now, my decision is whether to keep spending time running 101 groups.